Battlefield Earth

You Will Believe a Caveman Can Fly

I'm not going to say anything bad about this movie!

I'm not getting away from my habit of only reviewing bad books and movies. It's just that so many other people have reviewed this film, saying things like "The worst science fiction movie of all time," (c'mon, folks, it wasn't even the worst SF movie of the year, and the folks who are making silly comments like that clearly never saw Spawn of the Slithis) that my saying anything is sort of painting the lily.

But never fear! After that lead-in, let me give you:


10. Kevin Costner didn't produce, direct, write, or star in this film.
9. Forest Whitaker looks embarassed, and after what he did in Ghost Dog and Species, he certainly has reason to.
8. None of the bombs have a red LED countdown timer.
7. No one leaps sideways in slow motion while firing a pistol in each hand and hitting a moving target while simultaneously avoiding a hail of machinegun bullets.
6. It's so seldom you hear a villain laugh a genuine "Bwah ha ha!" laugh.
5. You can save money: With the price of one admission you can see Dune, Bladerunner, Star Wars, Planet of the Apes, One Million Years B.C., Clan of the Cave Bear, and half a dozen other films.
4. The plot made a lot more sense than that of Star Trek: Insurrection.
3. Good news! Detroit's learned how to make cars that won't rust out for a thousand years.
2. Once you've conquered the universe you don't have to brush and floss.

and the number one best thing about Battlefield Earth:

1. No Jar Jar Binks.

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